Bayan, Iba o Sarili? (Pag-ibig sa Tinubuang Katawang Tao)

The million dollar question is, have you really loved yourself first before deciding to love others in a romantic kind of way?

If you answered either yes or no and you’re still single, then good. That’s where we should start. You should love yourself first, believe me, I know it from experience.

I can quote reliable sources how important it is to love yourself but the best anecdote I have with me is my own personal experience. I have my own share of up and downs although I’m more focused now on the ups part.

I’ve grown up introverted and a bit awkward (except that today I’m freakin’ hot and awesome but that’s beside the point!) I used to have a very poor concept of myself, hated the way I talked, my lean body, my curly hair – almost everything even my intelligence. Yes I am intelligent, patient and persistent which makes the hardest problems in structural engineering tap out in submission in a humiliating defeat.

Now why the hell would I despise that? Because those qualities made me stand out in a wrong way. It alienated me from my peers instead of drawing them into me, thus further multiplying my current problem of being socially awkward.

So how can I love myself when I felt I’m not likeable, not the sporty type, when I would’ve been someone else but me?!

And so I persisted with this kind of roller coaster adventure of highs and lows without actually drawing a clear line on where I fit in this life. I’m paralyzed with fear – fear of failing, fear of what others might say, fear of living my life to the fullest.

Long story short, I got married in this frame of mind, still too afraid and not doing the things that I really wanted to do.

Until one day it hit me real hard it knocked me off and woke up a different man. It happened while I was out drinking with my buddies while sharing our stories. It was then that I realized that there are certain areas of my life that I forgot to live. Things, steps necessary to transition from being a boy to adolescent to being a full grown man.

I just then realized that that’s the reason why I kept on penduluming (it’s an obstinate cycle where one time you feel enlightened and most of the time the things you thought you’re over with are fucking with your system yet again). If you ask me how it feels, it’s a vicious cycle guaranteed to throw you into depression and regret, hit repeat to infinity.

I didn’t give love to myself by listening to me, by being afraid to make mistakes that are rather necessary for my growth. I killed myself when I stopped doing the things that “I” want to do.

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” – Lucille Ball

I cannot stress this enough kaya mananagalog na ako. UTANG NA LOOB, HABANG SINGLE KA AY GAWIN MO NA LAHAT NG MGA BAGAY NA GUSTO MONG GAWIN HABANG MAY PANAHON AT MAY KALAYAAN KA PANG GAWIN ANG MGA ITO!!!

Oo maaaring magawa mo parin ang ibang mga bagay na gusto mo pero di na gaya nung wala ka pang ibang iniisip o inaalala. Ngayong single ka pa e mahalin mo na ang sarili mo kung di mo pa ito nagagawa. Naniniwala akong ang mga salitang “selfless love” ay tanging ang Dios lamang ang makakagawa. Tao tayo, at kung may karapatan tayong mahalin ng iba, mas lalong dapat mahalin natin ang ating mga sarili. You cannot give what you do not have.

Nais ko mang gawing light reading lang ang empowerment article na to ay hindi ko magawa dahil iba ang dating sa akin ng mga bagay-bagay. Pero, dahil matagal ng tapos ang aking pity party ay susubukan ko naman ngayong ibangon ang nawala mo nang gana.

Habang single ka, make the most out of your single life. Explore. Discover. Just do. Dahil nasayo pa ang kalayaan para gawin ang mga gusto mo. Remember, bago ka pumasok sa ano mang relasyon ay dapat buo na ang konsepto mo ng sarili mo. Hindi selfish ang magmahal sa sarili basta di ito sobra sobra. Essential ito para mabuhay ka na at peace with yourself.

Para sayo e ito dapat ang iyong gawin:

Do things just for the heck of doing it.

Wag ka ng mag-isip, yan nalang ang ginawa mo buong buhay mo (ouch!). Nabubuhay tayo para gumawa hindi mag-antay hanggang forever bago natin gawin. So shut the hell up and get going and doing J. Eto sisimulan ko na para sayo:

• Mag-bungee jumping ka sa Pasig River gamit ang sinulid.
• Haluan mo ng bagoong ang taho
• Magbeerhouse ka ‘till you drop
• Magtravel ka mag-isa, pwedeng sa Syria o Afghanistan o sa Basilan
• Tularan ang hairstyle ng Jackson 5
• Ngatngatin mo ang mga kuko mo sa paa
• Pumasok ka sa opisina ng naka two-piece yellow polka dot bikini

Stop over-analyzing, just do!

Do what YOU want to do.

Oo, ikaw. Don’t give a fuck to what other people might say. Ikaw ang nagmamay-ari ng buhay mo at hindi sila. Story time: dahil 5’8” ang height ko ay sinubukan ko noong maglaro-laro ng basketball sa aming probinsiya. Minsan, sinabi ng pinsan ko sa akin na narinig daw niya ang tito kong nakakita sa akin habang naglalaro na para daw akong bullfrog kapag tumalon. Dinamdam ko yun at mula nun ay di nako naglaro ulit. Hanggang sa lumipas ang mga taon at nakwento ko yun sa safety officer namin sa construction site. Di ko malilimutan ang mga sinabi niya na “…sana di mo nalang pinansin. Malay mo kung ano na sana ang narating mo ngayon.”

Shit oo nga no! E di sana ako ang finals MVP ng NBA at hindi si Steph Curry! See?

Ako ang technique ko kapag di ako makapagdesisyon agad sa sarili ko, pumipikit ako at tinatanong ko ang sarili ko ng, “Ngayon, ano ang gusto MO?” Poof! At malalaman ko na na yun talaga ang gusto ko at hindi ko yun gusto para lang ayunan ako ng ibang tao.

Ikaw ano ba ang bucket list mo? Add to the list below:

• Mag-aral ka ng folk dance na may halong karate moves
• Umakyat ka sa Everest ng walang Sherpa
• Mag-volunteer ka sa Red Cross at tumira sa headquarters ng isang taon
• Mag-aral ka ng engineering kung tapos ka na ng nursing.
• Mag-aral ka ng embalming kung gusto mo ng thrill. Wag ka lang mag-uuwi ng assignment, BWAHAHAHAHAHA
• (others, and state why, plus 10 points para sa pinakawalang kwentang bagay na gusto mong gawin)

Just do it. Pero siguraduhin mo na ginagawa mo ito dahil GUSTO MO dahil yun lang ang importante.

Ngayon kapag sa tingin mo ay naranasan mo na lahat, nagawa mo na ang lahat ng gusto mo, at pakiramdam mo ay buo ka na (at buo ka pa), congrats! At least lilingunin mo ang nakaraan na may ngiti sa yong labi at hindi parang ampalaya na sinawsaw sa suka.

Kaya wag magmaktol kung single ka parin, uulitin ko:

“I’d rather regret the things I’ve done than regret the things I haven’t done.” – Lucille Ball

Gawin mo na.

Author: Ang Mamang Inhinyero

Photo Credit (here)

Advertisements

Tags: Single Awareness Month