Love Clinic: When He Cheats on You

Someone message us in our Love Clinic:

Hi,

I don’t know kung active pa ito or kung may sasagot ba sakin.

I found myself needing to let it out. I also write my own blog pero lost ako ngayon.

I broke up with my ex because it has been difficult for me to handle our situation (LDR). He has been so paranoid and accused me of a lot of things. I am in Dubai now and he is in the Philippines. One of the reasons kung bakit ako nag abroad ay dahil he cheated on me. He tried to win me back kahit nasa abroad na ko. I gave it a chance but it became so difficult. Di ko makalimutan yung nangyari at kahit anong pilit kong kalimutan, lagi kong naiisip yung ginawa niya. So to cut the story short, we broke up but continued with the communication. After months of being just civil, I received a message that he is letting me go. I felt relieved at first as I saw it coming. I have wanted it but I am hurt. Bakit masakit? Bakit ngayon nasasaktan ako? Eh ginusto ko namang makipaghiwalay na. Bakit nahihirapan akong tanggapin na iniwanan niya ako? Do I sound selfish here? And guess what? I found out that he is back with the same girl na ipinalit nya sa akin before. Is it normal to feel hurt kahit in the first place eh ako naman yung sumuko?

I felt heart-broken kahit pa within the relationship, I always want a way out. Ngayong may iba na sya, why do I feel this way?

Please help. šŸ˜„

***

Hello Bhe,

My name is Rhea Angeline, replying on behalf of PSA. I appreciate you for trusting the team with regards to your concern about relationship.

First and foremost, be it known that I understand why it feels so hard being in a long distance relationship. I understand as well that it’s difficult for you to trust him again after that painful incident – his cheating. You’ve tried your best to trust him. You wanted to trust him, sincerely. But you just can’t forget everything that took place between the two of you. You were hurt. You felt betrayed. You might have dealt with the consequences of pity-partying and your self-esteem might have hit rock bottom. I understand. Every single thing that you’ve experienced and the way you respond to it is normal.

You are a woman. Like me, we tend to choose withdrawal, thinking that it’s the best way to be at peace. More often than not, what we really want is for them to stay, for them to realize their fault and diligently pursue us, which might eventually bring back the trust that we wanted so badly.

You’ve pushed him away so much but you’re confused if what you really want to do is to pull him back closer to you. I cannot blame you for that.

Now, you are asking why is it painful that he left. Everything I mentioned above answers it. You feel hurt because of one thing. That is, a big part of your heart is still hopeful that one day, all the wounds of your heart will be healed and you’ll eventually continue your love story with him that have been trapped in turmoil for a long time. You are not selfish for being that way.

Moving forward, yes, it happened. He decided to leave just like the way you told him many times and he went back to that woman. You cannot understand how you feel now, whether you’ll be happy that at last you’re free or be angry thinking they’ve been fooling you all this time or be distressed and carry the biggest regret you’ll ever have for not telling him directly that you want him to stay.

Girl, it is in my deepest sorrow to tell you to accept these uncontrollables and move on with your life. Work on the things that are under your control by being a better version of yourself every single day. It’s okay to cry a lot for a week or a month or maybe a year. Believe me, it will eventually stop. Yup, you’ll miss him. You will even cry out of missing him but you have to be strong enough not to be swayed by your emotion and fall on the temptation of starting a conversation with him, in any way. Do not.

Moving on is a long process. I could not lie that it’s easy because it’s really not.

Allow this heartbreak to be a stepping stone for your growth. Ask God what does He wants you to learn from this experience. Ask Him for healing. Beg Him. Make this an opportunity for you to be closer to Him and to know Him even more. As He promised in His word in Jeremiah 29:11, “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not harm you; plans to give you hope and a future,” you’ll definitely get out from this anguish.

I’m cheering on you. In time, you’ll overcome all these challenges just like the way I’ve been through. You’re not alone.

Be reminded that with your name, you are undoubtedly lovely and beautiful. ā¤

Hugs,

PSA

***

Do you have any pressing concern about love and relationship? Feel free to avail the free consultation via Love Clinic. We are more than willing to hear you. šŸ™‚

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About RheaAngeline

Rhea Angeline is a Certified Public Accountant who is currently employed as Finance Specialist in one of the biggest pharmaceutical company in the Philippines. On the side, she is leading a group of women at Christ Commission Fellowship (CCF) with a core drive on teaching, encouraging and inspiring them about life in general. She loves travelling the world and discovering different cultures and traditions. You may find her reading books or watching Korean shows during her free time.

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